One of the most common questions every parent often asks is “Why would a child as a child think when they are told, but as a teenager, he is always stubborn, even more so with his friends?”
Of course those who ask like that are almost mostly parents who are thirsty for the child’s affections aren’t they? Isn’t it upside down? (Let us try to be honest with ourselves.) There is nothing wrong with that statement.
How do we feel when we talk but it is not considered by the person closest to us (the child)? Irritated, angry, and sebel, isn’t it? That means someone’s not doing us any wrong. Why? Because we expect reciprocity from what we’ve been doing, feel we have authority but can’t be used.
When a child hears and obeys what we say then our feelings of love and affection grow, right? So, it’s not wrong that this is the same as many parents who are thirsty for the affections of the child.
We will learn from one of the above questions and what aspects are needed for communication between parents and children to be well established. In general, there are two aspects that will be discussed, namely:
1. Aspects of Children’s Emotions
The cause of the child is more easily influenced, according to, and firmly committed to his friend is due to the presence of feelings of acceptance. When together with his friends, they feel part of the group. In order to be accepted into the group, they will obey whatever their friends say, although it makes no sense or may even be damaging.
For example, an invitation to smoke or an anatury another child. That way, they will be admired even in the wrong way, by their own groups or gangs. Being cool and looking great is very important for teenagers because their strongest impulse at the time was to feel important and get recognition.
On the other hand, many children don’t like hearing parental commands because parents generally tend to dictate. In the child’s mind, they feel listening to the parent means they are on the losing side and the parent is the winner.
By doing parental orders, they feel they are being “inconseral” instead by defiantly saying they feel it is “more important” to have already won the fight.
This is different from children who excel at school. They have confidence and are not easily influenced by peers, because they are children who are accepted, loved, and recognized by their parents. Because when at home everything has been fulfilled, they will not seek any more recognition from the outside world.
So how do I meet a child’s emotional needs if they are at home? What kind of communication model should be done? Here’s an explanation of what is needed to improve our communication with children:
- Use the word “ask” when we need a child to do something. By using the word ask, it means we value the child, and this is very important
- Make sure to always look the child in the eye as we communicate with him. Mata shows seriousness and respect for interlo7. By looking him in the eye, it makes the child feel important and recognized.
- Be a good listener if the child is talking. Just listen, the child already feels his parents are the one who wants to understand him, even if you have not provided a solution. By hearing the child speak then we have helped the child to release the emotional burden that bothers him.
- Love the child the way he loves. Notice if he’s paying too much attention, whether he likes to give touches, gifts, etc. Because it’s a parent’s picky weapon and in the same way we learn to love him in his way, not our way.
The human mind always processes dominant information. That is, the human mind knows no word, no, or any negative sentences.
If we had imagined apples, what would have been on our minds? A picture of an apple, isn’t it? Well, now we shouldn’t and don’t try to imagine an apple. But what happened? Apples keep coming to our minds, don’t they? But we’re forbidden to imagine it.
That’s the nature of the mind. The human mind cannot process instructions in the form of negative sentences. This is the intent of the mind to only process information that is dominant.
Now let’s introspeski ourselves, how do we communicate with the child all this time? Do we use the word prohibition more? Which ultimately remains violated by the child, right?
Now of course we already know how to use good communication rules. Use Direct Communication,tell us what we want to say directly. For example, to say “You can’t go home at night!” it’s best to say “You should go home at 7pm yes.”